Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Episode VII: Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst

Albert Burnenko wrote an outstanding critique of the entire Star Wars saga, noting that the series has at best a 33% success rate so far so maybe we shouldn't set our expectations too high. My favorite part is his comparison of the Vader of Episode V with the Vader of Episode VI. To wit:
After wearing Luke out with furious lightsaber skills from one end of Cloud City to the other; after bashing him to a pulp with flying space toasters; after blasting Luke out of a window and chasing him out to the end of a lonely windblown plank far from everyone who has ever known or cared about him, he lops the little pissant’s entire hand right the fuck off and then, then, only then, figures the time is right to go, Oh and also, I fucked your mom.
With that in mind, let’s return to the scene from Return of the Jedi, in which a completely unafraid Luke Skywalker kicks skin-crawling televangelist game—I feel the conflict within you! Let go of your hate! Don’t you have somethin’ you wanna say to Jesus? Somethin’ you wanna ask Him for?—at the giant evil cyborg who chopped his hand off the last time they were in each others’ presence. Who is this soggy piece of shit wearing Darth fucking Vader’s clothes? Who is this whiny, slumping sad-sack, mewling about how he must obey his master?
I urge you to read the whole thing.

1 comment:

  1. Very good, kind of depressing. I'm still working through my Prequel disappointment PTSD.

    My favorite part is when he describes himself as only kind of into Star Wars. Uh huh.